The expatriate partner – part 1

When the job offer arrives
More people are transferring to work abroad than ever before. They are moving younger, more often, for varying lengths of time (from 6 months to 4 years). Often both partners have careers and moving means one of them giving up a job that they like and have worked hard to achieve. The increase in women ex-pats means that nowadays many partners are men.

First reactions to a job abroad are often defensive. It is normal to think: "What have we done? We love our home - why are we even thinking of leaving?" One finds oneself thinking odd thoughts such as "but I have just planted the tulip bulbs – I won’t be here to enjoy them!"

Usually the excitement of so many new opportunities kicks in soon after – e.g. learning a new language, great food and wine, long sunny days on an Italian beach or exploring the countryside and places of historic interest. Luckily Italy has all this in abundance – and is widely considered a plumb assignment. This can make both your decision to move and its acceptance by family and friends easier.
It can still be a scary time, however, because so much is unclear. Your joint decision to move requires leaving a very familiar environment for a completely new one. Building your life from scratch can bring both excitement and concern.

But back to the partner…
It is still very rare to find two jobs in the same place at the same time (although many enlightened multinationals are succeeding via dual career pathways). So generally speaking a couple move on the basis of one job with the intention of finding the right opportunity for the other partner when they are both living and settled in Italy.
This can be a huge advantage as finding accommodation, bank, car, schools, telephones etc in Italian in a new system can easily take three to six months. As one husband put it: "my job when we first arrived was to project manager sorting out our home and settling in. It was virtually a full time commitment. My Italian language and knowledge of how to get things done here really improved in those first four months!"

It is a time of high stress (see Culture shock in Italy) particularly as the lead ex-pat and the partner are coping with different emotions.
The ex-pat has the stress of meeting high expectations in a new job while the partner has to cope with change in status and the lack of structure that a job naturally brings.

This can lead to conflicts in their needs: the working ex-pat, tired at the end of the day, often wants to "slob-out" at home while the partner who has been alone much of the day is in need of company and wants to go out.

I am what I do
In many cultures you are judged by the job you do. - this is especially true in the US and the UK. So the decision to leave your job and start something new in another country can be a tough one.
For many this change in status is one of the hardest things to handle and is often harder for men than women. Society is still more tolerant of women who take time out or have a " portfolio " approach to their career.
Ironically, taking time out to follow a personal dream, explore a new career or spend more time with the children is often admired or even envied by your peer group but it takes a leap of faith and considerable self-confidence at the time.

1. Call it a “sabbatical”. You are simply taking time out to enhance your professional or personal skills.
2. Ask your current employer for a career break. In the current recession this is a great way to keep a skilled unpaid employee when business is slow. Make sure you keep in regular contact during your time away.
3. Maintain your networks at home - it will be easier to find the right job and pick up your social life when you return.
4. Decide on a personal goal before you go. A friend trained for the Boston marathon. Apart from the satisfaction and increased fitness that she achieved, it was easier to reply to that classic dinner party question “what do you do?” Her reply was always greeted by “Wow – good for you!!”
5. Check out if you have the right to work in Italy. This depends on many factors: nationality, marital status (being married to an Italian is good!), available visas, already having a job offer etc. It is worth searching The Informer database for detailed information on this subject.
6. Check with the Italian embassy/consulate at home or your own embassy in Italy for your particular case.
7. Do some basic research on the local job market before you arrive. Many companies have Internet sites where you can learn about potential employers in your area and can send your CV/resume electronically.
8. Contact the British Chamber of commerce in Italy (www.britchamitaly.com). They are a mine of useful information and extremely helpful.
9. Talk to international recruitment agencies that recruit for Italy. They can give you an indication of job prospects and help find you a job.
10. Check if your professional qualifications are recognised in Italy.

Life goal or work?
The most important question to ask yourself is: "do I want to work in Italy or do I want to use the time to do something else?" This is a wonderful opportunity to review your and your partner’s life goals (and if you don’t have any this could be an excellent time to start thinking about them…). A limited period away from home and the possibility of time -out doesn’t happen often in a lifetime. In everyday life it is hard to find the time. This could be the perfect opportunity to try some of them and it shouldn’t be discarded lightly.

I’ll leave the final word to an ex-pat partner who (amongst other things) learnt to dive and sail while in Italy and spent his final 3 months sailing around the Mediterranean:
"In the beginning I felt really under pressure to get a job as fast as possible. Friends kept on asking me how the job hunting was going – so much so that I almost started avoiding them!
After deciding to use the time to do something completely different – the same friends are saying how lucky I am and how they wish they could have done it too!"

In the expatriate partner – part 2
the author looks at some of the life goals and career possibilities that other ex-pat partners have tried in Italy.

Other Articles: Surviving culture shock in Italy

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